Week Review

6:43 pm today, I talked into the art studio saying to myself, "okay, let's figure out my life."

It had indeed been a pretty rough week for me. Like many great businesses having to go through a life-defining hardship in the beginning, I had to face my own confusion and great desperation.

After the first week's fresh tryouts, I thought I had used up oil pastel, paint, colored pencil, and black marker's creativity quota by just experimenting with each of them once--I aimed to be BOLDLY NEW, didn't I? So on last Friday afternoon, I sat in the art studio with my headphones and surfed online to look for some creative inspirations.

I found some. I found too many. I lost focus.

What is my project? How am I going to achieve it?

Going back to the most basic proposal questions, I couldn't answer them this time.

I couldn't answer them in the next few days.

I couldn't because my head was exploded with big expectations. I wanted to define the world like the Noun Project did. I wanted to bring out a whole new holistic, perfect system on way of thinking life. I wanted to start off on a pre-paved road to success.

But my plan is not perfect by birth. My project is not world defining or objectively holistic. My road is not pre-paved and honestly doesn't have to be yet.


I didn't realized all of these until 6:50 pm today, when I sat down at the studio table and started experimenting with black ink.

I drew off my first pre-made idea- a dear desperation bottleneck. Then I stopped. I was stuck. Totally stuck. I was aiming to be rather productive tonight, but I couldn't think off my head a single idea on what to draw down with the black ink next. My brain was blindingly blank in this evening black.

Then I suddenly understood.
Out of helplessness. Out of desperation. Out of cumulative confusion.

I can only produce heartfelt symbols with heartfelt objects, those that have truly touched my life. I am not a mass producer, creating hundreds of pictures everyday. I can't. I take my time; I am responsible for my feelings, expressions, and the precision of production; I feel the life. And I can't define the world. I am not objective. I am not omniscient. I only know the sides the world turns itself on me, and I only feel the beats my heart chooses to dance along.

And it's okay.
It's okay to take my time. It's okay to not be holistically representative. It's okay to just be me.

Because after all, this is what started off my project in the first place, this is what I'm good at, this is what I can do, and this is my own unique style and inspiration spring.


I'm much less confused and much relieved and clear-sighted now. I'm no longer suffocated by my grand ideas. I know what I can and will do for my project now-- simply take the time to feel the life, and depict these enlightening moment with appropriate art techniques. Keep drawing small tokens with a big heart and ever curious perseverance. Moreover, experimenting with something once actually does not spoil its newness-- every new understanding and every deeper interaction with the technique gained along the way of practice are the ones that truly polish one's art skill and creativity shrewdness.
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So flowers bloomed from the embellished desperation bottleneck.